The media seems to think ratings depend on peppering our lives with a plethora of bad news: wars on multiple fronts, religious conflict, the collapse of the armor that shielded professional athletes from public scrutiny, politics, and, of course, Ebola. In response to these purveyors of doom, I challenged myself to list ten things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
To my surprise I filled my list in just a few minutes. While some things may sound simplistic or insignificant in the context of a world view embellished by mass communications, I find them reassuring and filled with hope for the future.
I am thankful that:
After forty-one years of nursing at the bedside, I still learn something new every day. I have changed from being the new nurse to being the seasoned nurse. Rather than having a “work husband,” I have a “work daughter,” who I try to teach, nurture, and share wisdom with, without being too motherly. Yesterday I managed yet another new device used in critical care. And despite having to deal with a machine, I picked up on subtle changes in the most important element of the health care system, the all-too-human patient.
Fifteen years into our marriage, my husband and I still hold hands when we walk or sit on the sofa. I told him on our first date I was “that sort of girl,” that I liked the connection born of such a simple gesture. I watched my parents do the same during their marriage. He holds my hand, and I am confident he is listening and present.
Cancer entered my life. How can I be thankful for that? Anyone who has faced cancer knows it brings out either the best or the worst in people. In my family, it opened a hot-line of support and established a depth of communication we didn’t enjoy before the cancer intruded. We became a phone network of love, shared information, and reassurance. We relived treasured moments and brought to life my father, who died decades ago. Our differences melted away; the reality of how very much alike we were allowed us a closeness I quite possibly would have missed had it not been for the cancer.
My mother sold her house and is moving closer to family. The perfect role model for young women, she was one of the first who labored to “have it all” before anyone coined the phrase. She worked. She went back to school after she had a family. She competed. She coped with the loss of two husbands and survived. As a widow she established a new life and a rigorous sense of independence. Yet she was willing and has chosen to face change again. The family will come full circle.
Ebola appeared in this country through my city. Why be thankful for that? The presence of Ebola would have blind-sided almost any city. Entering the flu season in a culturally diverse place like Dallas, how many would have suspected Ebola? Americans have enjoyed the myth of impenetrability. We seem to think major crises and conflicts all happen someplace else. Because of Ebola, Americans must acknowledge the problems of the world and recognize the shrinking global community. Unfortunately we do not live “under the dome.” But the Dallas crisis opened our eyes and our minds and made us better prepared for the next challenge.
There are books like Joyce Carol Oates’ Carthage. She uses words to make the ordinary extraordinary: “—then the flowing-white hair, a testament to masculine vanity so refined as to approach abnegation, obscured the old, bitter hurt like a caress.” I want to journey in her mind. Or The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin which has been described by one critic as a “slim novel.” I found it deliciously “plump” with deeply layered characters and convoluted story lines that converge and provide the satisfaction of a favorite wine.
I heard from my son. Sometimes children go missing. They haven’t been kidnapped, been in an accident, or deployed overseas. Sometimes they disappear into a space where they can mature and establish an identity unencumbered by the accouterments of family. My son drifts in and out of my life. Without warning or logic, he calls. I hear about his work and his health. Then I hear about his music, his true love. He gives me enough to last me until the next time he calls. But he has invited me in, in a way, and I feel I can call him if I want. We both seem to be growing in our fragile roles as son and mother.
I still love to write. On my very darkest days, if I sit and write just one sentence, I am lifted. I say the words out loud to hear their melody. I reread my work to see if I communicated the action and the images that wouldn’t let me go back to sleep at 2:30 in the morning. I look for passion, beauty, the ugly, the tragic, the joyous, and a moment in words that transcends the mundane. Memoir pieces placate my demons; fiction allows me happier endings. The haiku demands me to simplify. The written word pleasures all my days.
I am still able to work and work out. The miraculous machine, my body, has yet to betray me. I still can work three 12-hour shifts in a row. Today I worked out 75 minutes at the gym. My paresthesias stop me from hand sewing and needlepoint, but I type faster than most of my colleagues. I am in better shape than many of my cardiac patients who are years younger. They inspire me to keep going.
For some reason Mom’s Pumpkin Pie made the list. For years I followed what I thought was her recipe. Mine never tasted as good. I thought it had everything to do with the fact that hers was made under the penumbra of our nuclear family. On Thanksgiving Day, I watched Mom use her hand grinder to prepare the turkey liver and gizzard for the dressing. I sympathized when her eyes watered when she cut up the onions. I marveled how she carefully heated the juice from the can without the peas in it so the peas wouldn’t collapse when cooked. She allowed us to set the table with cloth napkins and sterling silverware. Sometimes we would eat by candlelight, forest green tapers with flames that flickered and beckoned like fingers. The light enclosed the four of us in a golden cave. My family. No wonder the pie was special. I asked her what I was doing wrong, why mine tasted different.
Mom told me her secret. “Don’t bother using half white and half brown sugar. Use all brown.”
I did as she advised. But she was wrong. The taste, just like giving thanks, is all about family.