Cynthia Stock

An amazing author for your soul!

Compound Fracture

April 10, 2024 by Cynthia Stock Leave a Comment

I am not a sommelier, but I know what wines I like. I am a retired nurse with forty years of experience in Critical Care. I believe I am qualified to discuss the broken state of our health care system. It suffers a compound fracture. Early in my career, Primary Nursing, a practice in which one nurse agreed to be active in the care of a patient throughout his ICU stay, was introduced on our unit. It facilitated a holistic approach to care. At least one nurse knew more about the patient than his diagnosis and room number and helped that patient navigate the trauma of critical illness. Primary Care did not last long. It was time consuming for nurses already working short-staffed. It was costly, as Primary Care nurses spent time away from task accomplishment addressing the total patient. Now, after a recent short stay in the hospital and a more recent health jolt, I realize things certainly haven’t gotten better. I have had MS for decades and have strived to maintain the highest level of wellness. My PCP encouraged me to go to a local MS specific clinic for care. I went every year. The providers watched me walk, checked my neuro signs, assured me exacerbations declined with age thanks to an aging immune system. I was trusting. I accepted what I was told.  I kept my routine appointments. When my knee began to bother me, I didn’t think about MS. I went to a knee specialist who watched me walk, did an x-ray, saw no arthritis, injected my knee, and sent me on my way. I followed up again when the pain recurred. Another x-ray, another injection. When that shot wore off, I learned to live with the pain. Then, after suffering a Closed Head Injury due to Covid induced hypotension, I switched neuro clinics and ended up at a clinic closer to my home. I saw a new MS doctor. In two visits, he changed my life. He watched me walk. I’d seen my gait in the windows as I walked into the gym. Aging I told myself. “You have footdrop,” the doctor said. Gutpunch. MS finally left its mark, less painful than my burning paresthesias, but so VISIBLE. Yet no one had told me. I bought an ankle brace online. I’ve learned to wear it on the treadmill. My knee doesn’t hurt. My leg is more stable when I walk. Where is the breakdown? The breakdown exists because there is a lack of collaborative practice. Just like the Primary Care concept in nursing, if my PCP, knee doctor, and MS doctor had even had a phone conversation, might I have learned of my footdrop sooner rather than later. Could this type of practice ever happen?  I doubt it. The other part of the breakdown: Who would get reimbursed? What would the billing code be? Who would lose money if I’d just bought a brace? How much is one phone call worth to the practitioner? To the patient? Has medical specialization destroyed the healing art by disallowing the opportunity for a patient to be treated as a whole? What professional do I see to answer these questions?

Collaboration might be needed.

Filed Under: Health Care, Human Connections, Multiple Sclerosis, Nursing, The Business Model in Health Care

A Slice of the Pie

March 27, 2023 by Cynthia Stock Leave a Comment

I retired from bedside nursing over five years ago. In that time, every medical journey with my body demonstrated to me how broken our health care system is. Medical specialization is one culprit in the fragmentation of care. When I go to my cardiologist, I am the heart with Sick Sinus Syndrome. When I go to my electrophysiologist, I am the dual chamber, MRI friendly, pacemaker. When I go to the dermatologist, I am skin. When I go to the joint specialist, I am the knee not wanting to have surgery, not the septuagenarian with MS who works out six days a week and walks funny. When I go to the MS doctor, nothing more need be said, except that I am blessed. For the most part, my disease is invisible. Maybe that is why it doesn’t come up often in a plan of care.

Every specialist gets a bit of me; no one cares for the “all of me,” I realized this when after working with the same Physical Therapist for several weeks, we discussed my Multiple Sclerosis, which suggested this wasn’t considered when the orthopod submitted orders to treat my bobbling knee.  The therapist didn’t know I had it.

Flash back twenty years and my diagnosis of pulmonary embolism. Although I saw a hematologist, the risk of clotting problems associated with autoimmune disease was never mentioned.

I have a dream for my health care providers. Once a year, I’d like a Zoom meeting, God forbid we could do it in situ, where each one helps put the pieces of the puzzle that is my body together and makes recommendations for my health maintenance. I would come with a list of questions about what the interface of body systems and health problems means for the coming year. I would come hoping I would be recognized in toto.

Filed Under: Health Care, Human Connections, Multiple Sclerosis, The Business Model in Health Care, Women and Voice

On turning 68 in 2019

July 10, 2019 by Cynthia Stock Leave a Comment

My 68th birthday looms. It creeps towards me, tenacious, heat resistant like the ground cover in my shrubs. I tear up clumps of the succulent green with baby’s breath like flowers and throw it in the dirt. In a week, it is spreading, thriving, a lush carapace for soil turned to dust by the sun.

 

This year I am grateful I am upright, as I am every year. My gait deviates a bit. My right leg swings out to the side when I walk; the right foot wobbles before it hits the ground. That’s MS for you. If stopped by a cop, I refuse to try and walk in a straight line, because I’ll always look drunk. I’m prepared to refer him or her to the clinic, to the doctor, where I log intermittent moments of my journey and hope to have enough time left to create a few more.

I am grateful for a partner who gives me space for my obsessions, who loves me for who I am, who still holds my hand when we sit on the sofa together.

I am grateful for the fact that the moment I sit before a blank page and type just a few words, something awakens. My mind pinballs from the present to the past to the present to the future. I create sorceresses and serial killers and murder victims. I reencounter patients and students and lovers I’ve sequestered in that biological computer known as my brain. I read books and see what I’ve missed in my stories. I revise and think to myself “Who needs drugs when the mind is immersed in the magnificent process of creating?” I want to be TC Boyle and JC Oates and Margaret Atwood and Cormac McCarthy and Octavia Butler and Wallace Stegner and Andy Warhol and Van Gogh all rolled into one.

I want to see my son perform on The Ellen Degeneres Show. His songs come up on my play list when I’m working out and my pace quickens. I can’t believe how talented he is.

Mine is a wonderful life.

 

Then reality abrades its noxious way into my consciousness and I mourn. I mourn for what I see as the erosion of all the progress women my age thought we made in the early 70’s.

I remember reading Our Bodies, Our Selves and began to see and understand my body as my own, divorced from the “body politic” and not distorted by “the Gaze.” I celebrated a sense of visibility and having a voice that was and would be heard. I chose a career with a “living wage.” I smugly thought, if I have children, they will be proud of what my generation accomplished for my gender. Foolishly I rested on my laurels thinking the fight was over, the battle, no the rights, had been won. Forever.

 

As 68 gets ready to bulldoze over 67, I mourn the current socio-political climate, which, like my ground cover, proliferates and spreads. What it spreads is not pretty or protective. It spreads ignorance, prejudice, and hate. I mourn the roll back of resources and funding that will guarantee women reproductive health and personal freedom. I mourn that money and connections allowed a sex trafficker a lighter punishment and enabled him to commit the same crime again, reaffirming that women and girls in this country are nothing more than cheap merchandise. I mourn that the top elected official in this country voiced his sense of entitlement when it comes to women’s bodies, a “man” who so misunderstands sexual assault that he deflects allegations of it with “She’s not my type.” I mourn that it took two daring sports figures to get people to face the injustices and inequities that plague our so called free and democratic society. I mourn the fact that I fear the physical environment in which my grand-children will live and grow.

 

My birthday wish: Let me do one thing that will make the world a little bit better.

Filed Under: birthday, Daily Politics, Human Connections, Moral Compass, Multiple Sclerosis, Writing

Multiple Sclerosis-The Monster

May 7, 2019 by Cynthia Stock Leave a Comment

My feet woke me up this morning, burning hotter than a pig on a spit. I knew not to expect blisters. The sheet billowed when I yanked it off with the flourish of a matador. MS. I have referred to it as “my MS.” I hate acronyms. They reduce the horrific to the mundane. MBC. Does that make Metastatic Breast Cancer any easier? Only for drug companies advertising treatment. COPD? Does that make it easier to breathe when you have Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease? I have Multiple Sclerosis. It doesn’t deserve a nick name. If I refer to it as MS, you might think I am talking about a Masters degree. Although I have one of those, “my MS” refers to the disease which has been my master, as both a blessing and a curse, for forty years. I haven’t talked about it much. Call me a private person. But after joining a writers’ group on Facebook, I found out two things. The first? Nothing is off limits. The second? Talking about living with a monster may help someone else living with one, whether it is an abusive partner, a child in trouble, or Multiple Sclerosis. Be advised. This is not a forum for whining or self-pity. I worked until retirement, work-out six days a week, enjoy good eye sight, and seem to be a thinking human being. Many are not so lucky. That does not mean I haven’t faced the monster on a daily basis and trembled in its shadow. More to come.

Filed Under: Health Care, Human Connections, Multiple Sclerosis

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